![]() He knows how you felt about him, and I'm sure you know inside how he felt about you. If your husband felt this way about you, then you don't need those 5 extra minutes with him. I'd also like to end with another thought in the same vein as this. ![]() Living for the sake of living might seem pointless, but if your husband cared about you half as much as you seem to care about him, I guarantee you he'd want you to go on and try to find a reason to be happy again. ![]() The best thing to do is hold onto that knowledge and use it to push through to the next day. Somewhere, deep down, you have a reason to live, even if you can't pinpoint what that is quite yet. The fact that you're scared of doing it is good, because it means some part of you still wants to live, even with all the pain you're going through. But at the same time, the alternative you've mentioned a few times in your post (suicide) is an even bigger unknown. Part of what you're feeling is a fear of the unknown, because what you've known has changed, and will never be the same. You don't know what to do, where to turn, what's supposed to come next. Your husband was your reason for being, that much is clear from what you wrote. It's going to hurt like hell and it's going to be ****, and not everyone manages to get through it, and none of those who do will get through it unscathed. What you're going through is a "trial" that's going to test you. The issue is there is no magic cure for this kind of pain. Time does help lessen the pain, but you're right, you hurt now, and you want a "fix" now. He was my essence, my raison d'etre, my EVERYTHING. But one thing I know, I want to stop breathing NOW. I am all alone and I'm too scared to kill myself. The day my husband was in hospital, I knelt down and prayed and begged and begged and begged for his life. I've never stopped counting the days till I die- ever since that fatal day. But what about now? Some days I'm so deparate I could just kill myself. I've been going on a million websites trying to find some kind of solution. tell me, how do you go on breathing when the life has gone out of me? Do you honestly think it's worth living a life without the one person that gave meaning to life? That he loves me, the he will wait for me somehow. ![]() Just 5 minutes to say all that's in my heart and to hear him tell me what to do. What I need is 5 more minutes with my husband to make peace. Been trying to stay mad at anything and everything because anger numbs the pain. But they are just words that give you false hope for a second or two and then leaves you down in the bottomless darkness again. Been trying to desperately find some miracle cure by talking to people. Got all my life in front of me and all I want to do is kill myself. ![]()
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